why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
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I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
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