Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
