i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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