it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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