This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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