I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
