I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
