Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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