your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
