well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
