I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
