You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
