Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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