Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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