i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
