i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
