woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Who wears a wallet chain?!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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