I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize