How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize