I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
