The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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