3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
