she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
