one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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