I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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