You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
