my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
