i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
