Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
