dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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