Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hippo gnu deer
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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