I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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