i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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