C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
