Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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