apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
