i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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