my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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