when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
