There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
