My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
