is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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