You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
