Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
