my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Farmville is her only friend.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
