Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
