lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
