Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
