My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
