I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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