Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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