i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
