Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
