My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
