Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
