wake up i wanna do it froggy style
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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