i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
