wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
