The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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