When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
