Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
