Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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