worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
