The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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