I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
