Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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