why didn't you poke me back
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
organizing the empties. That sober.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize