I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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