So drunk its hurt
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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