I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
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The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?